


Selfish

by twilightshards



Series: Oz drabbles [14]
Category: Oz (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-12-12 23:56:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11747844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twilightshards/pseuds/twilightshards
Summary: Ryan O'Reily contemplates the deaths he's caused.





	Selfish

**14.**

At night they come to him.

He _sees_  Dino Ortolani’s black, charred body, Jefferson Keane’s accusing eyes, Nino Schibetta bleeding from every orifice, William Cudney with his Bible pressed to his chest, Nikolai Stanislofsky waving that fucking cellphone in front of him, Patrick Keenan with his head caved in, he _hears_ Li Chen and Jia Kenmin taunting him about his mother, and Peter Schibetta uttering curses over everyone he loves.

He can justify them all. Really, he can. Revenge, self-preservation, protecting those close to him, and pure animal _survival._ Those reasons are how he deals with having so many lives on his conscience.

But then there are those that he can’t shake as easily.

Preston Nathan. He’d never met the guy, never talked to him, but he’d had to die. He’d been the only thing standing between Ryan and Gloria. Or so he’d thought. It had been stupid and selfish, but he’d not regretted it until much later, when he’d realised what he’d done.

Hamid Khan. He’d not been supposed to die. He’d been supposed to lose the fight, but not like _that._ It had rattled Ryan, seeing Khan go down like that, and there wasn’t a lot that could cause that kind of reaction in him.

Father Meehan. He’d died from natural causes, sure, but crazy Peter Schibetta’s talk about curses had rattled him too. And if curses were real, then that meant it was Ryan’s own fault that Schibetta was after the people he cared about.

And that's what it all comes down to, isn't it? His own fault. And the one death that he can’t shake.

Cyril.

He’d been selfish for most of his life. It had been a survival technique, another wonderful legacy left to him by Seamus O’Reily.

It wasn't until Cyril's death had been imminent that Ryan had finally understood the gravity of everything he'd done. Every selfish decision, every idea he'd forced onto Cyril—it had all lead to his brother in the electric chair. Clueless and trusting, not understanding what was about to happen.

The pain, the guilt, the shame, it's all encompassing and overwhelming, and for the first time in his life, Ryan can't think of a single fucking thing that'll fix it.


End file.
